On Pain

Over the last year and a half or so, I've had an ongoing debate with certain people about how much darkness is in my life. The argument is that I am dark "pink." Many people don't believe I've ever really suffered or experienced any smattering of pain, suffering, and heartache. I sometimes end up in conversations that are simply people listing off all the bad things that have happened to them. It is not a competition.

But I have experienced a lot of pain. And when events like those of the past week occur, they remind me just how strong I am and how much I have been through. I could be utterly destroyed. I could see the world in shades of gray or covered with black. I am that hurt. I am that betrayed and distraught. But I don't choose to view things that way--I don't choose to view people that way. My dreams and aspirations are still the same as what they were before they were crushed. I still want the same things. And that's what explains the "pink," that's what gives me hope and keeps me going. My future and my end result is not dependent on a single event and will not be altered (if it's something I really want) by a single betrayal or even a series of them. I am sure of that and convinced of that because that is who I am. I don't let people get the better of me or derail me from my dreams.

So I haven't given up on love or dreams just because of all the heartaches that have happened along the road. And I never will. But just because I don't cry or see a dark and ashy world doesn't mean I haven't experienced pain. It doesn't mean it doesn't feel like the world is crashing down. It doesn't mean that my heart isn't broken. Just means I'm stronger than that.