Sunday, August 25, 2013

Memories From the Corners of My Mind

Four and a half years ago, I wrote a blog post the night before I moved out of my old apartment in Schaumburg and moved into Chicago to start my new life. Three days later, my life as I knew it fell apart, one could say - I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half and my grandfather passed away a few days later. I've moved through the pain of that time period to capitalize on the excitement I felt back then and build a new life for myself. But, in all its irony, exactly four years and six months later, I moved out of the Wrigleyville apartment where I built that world - to move in with my amazing boyfriend and undertake a new set of risk and rewards. 

It is weird for me to sit on our couch and write this. I still feel like I'm just visiting. It is also weird for me to think of leaving behind the ups and downs of my old place - and the life I had before. I am so grateful to the many friends who passed through those doors and who were there for me through the ups and the downs. I'm sad about the people I've lost touch with. I remember the good memories from relationships, but I also remember so many of the bad - they still lurk in furniture and floor boards. Opening the door for him to leave the last time. Closing the door and beginning this incredible journey to a new and soooo much better, happier and healthier me. 

So I guess it's fitting then, that eventually I would need to say goodbye to the place. I would need to move to a new apartment, with actual water pressure and granite countertops and parking. I would need to take these steps to move forward with my life and to start (hopefully) building a new life with the man I love. It is good, I suppose, that I'm escaping the shadows. But it was also home. Hopefully I'll feel that way here soon too. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Revelation After Today's Meeting

Life Support
Steve, Gordon, AliPam, Sue, hi, I'm AngelTom, Collins, I'm PaulLet's begin
There's only usThere's only this
"Sorry, excuse me, oops""And you are?""Oh, I'm not, I'm just here to, I don't have"I'm here with Mark, Mark, I'm Mark"
"Well, this is quite an operation""Sit down, MarkWe'll continue the affirmation"
Forget, regret or life is yours to miss
"Excuse me, PaulI'm having a problem with this, this credoMy T-cells are lowI regret that news, okay?"
"Alright""But Gordon, how do you feel today?""What do you mean?""How do you feel today?""Okay"
"Is that all""Best I've felt all year""Then why choose fear?"I'm a New Yorker""Fear's my life"
"Look, I find some of what you teach suspectBecause I'm used to relying on intellectBut I try to open up to what I don't know"
Because reason saysI should've died three years ago
No other roadNo other wayNo day but today

Read more: RENT - LIFE SUPPORT LYRICS 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

What I Did For Love


RRS was and has been a huge part of my life – it’s responsible for many of my best friends, first loves, and heartbreaks of varying kinds. It was where I grew up. The Zombie Prom soundtrack is playing in the background as I write this.

But unlike many RRS alums, I am not pursuing a career in theatre, and I do not live in New York. For the last nearly five years, I’ve lived in Chicago, where I own and operate two companies in the digital marketing arena, Digital4Startups Inc. and DigitalGroundUp Inc.

While Chicago has been a great town for theatre, and I cannot gush enough about the Broadway in Chicago “season tickets” my boyfriend and I have had for the last two years (under $100 gets you tickets to 5-6 shows per season), RRS has also been a part of how I got my career to where it is.

RRS is where I developed and honed a lot of my work ethic. I used to run from lacrosse or fencing practice straight to rehearsals. I have been picked up at the airport, done my stage makeup in the car, and arrived at the Y in time for the second act. One show I juggled lacrosse tryouts, tech crew for a production at my high school and tech week at the same time. In college, I took the train down from Boston nearly every weekend to participate in the West Side Story Revival. And when I got my college acceptance letter, the first place I went was rehearsal.

You can say I was crazy. I was. But I did it all out of love. I did it because I wanted to. My parents were never involved with RRS, so it was always my own passion project. And through ups and downs, love and hate, successes and total heartbreaks, I worked really really hard.

In return, I’ve walked away with some of the most incredible friendships that mean everything to me.  I’m not nearly as naïve as I was before. I can multi-task. And I know what it means to work hard for something that you really want and are passionate about.

A year ago, I founded not one but two companies. DigitalGroundUp is an interactive technology platform designed to teach digital marketing. It’s not live yet, but it has already won a few awards. Digital4Startups is a digital marketing consulting agency, while I develop DigitalGroundUp. Juggling companies and juggling clients is like juggling shows and practices and homework. Some days it goes better than others. But if you work hard and stay true to yourself, I’ve found that at the end of the day, things just have a way of coming together.

Gone,
Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember.
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for
Love” – A Chorus Line

Friday, November 30, 2012

The Importance of Female Role Models

About two years ago, my boss walked into the office on a cold February day wearing a long sleeve shirt and a bubbly down vest. While I'll admit the outfit was a bit on the casual side, I figured if she was wearing it, it must be ok. I went to the GAP and bought myself a similar vest. I wanted to emulate her.

Flash forward two years. I'm now a Female Founder, and while I wish both letters didn't have to be capitalized, sadly, they do. Today, wearing the same long sleeve shirt and vest combo she wore, I strode around my office confident. I made rapid fire decisions without looking back, wrote checks, and closed new business. I was closer to being that strong, (stylish), intelligent female leader I admired years ago.

The ironic thing is that on my way out of the office, I was stopped by two female colleagues who are in their early-mid twenties. "She's a FOUNDER," one told the other. And all of a sudden they started telling me how they wanted to be founders too, how they had a great idea, no capital, but the burning desire to start their own company. How there are extremely few women founders in our incubator, and how they were hoping I could help and give them guidance.

Two years ago I looked up to the woman in the vest. Today, these women were looking up to me.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

To Graduate

On Tuesday, I graduated from The Founder Institute. To be a graduate again is wonderful and flattering, but it is also different. I don't know whether to say I've completed a Masters Degree or not. And despite all the flattering compliments and declarations of pride I've received, there is still the insecurity plaguing me about the craziness that is running a company.

An Internet is a public forum, so maybe I shouldn't say I'm not confident. But I've always tried to be honest with you readers, even on the difficult things, and this is one where I feel like it's an important aspect of my experience and my persona.

So yes, I am now a female entrepreneur and business owner. I own (and run) two companies. And the odd thing is realizing that I can do all that. That despite being 8-9 years younger than the average age of participants in the program, I still came out towards the top. I still have investors and a team behind me and all this support. My company is becoming a reality. I even have employees and a pay roll. It's important to remind yourself you have the confidence to do these things and be this person, because it's not like I ever wasn't or couldn't - and I know now that I can.

At the same time, it was helpful for me to get the practice and the feedback and the skills doing a program like the Founder Institute provided. At least I feel like I have a more solid grounding and some better and important connections that I did not previously have.

Nonetheless, I still find myself in this limbo. Was this really graduate school or just the beginning of the next chapter of my life? I guess only time will tell.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

A Harvard Grad Heads To DC: I Matter


People travel to DC all the time, honestly. It's one of the most popular tourist destinations in the country and probably the world. I went for the first time with my grandparents for my seventh birthday. I remember the grandeur of the Washington Monument, the intricacy of the Vietnam Memorial, and the stories my grandfather told me about having attended Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream Speech." I left my teddy bear at home, so I remember traipsing through the streets late at night in search of a substitute bear, so I could sleep. That's how I got Clinton Jr. And I remember the dessert cart when we had dinner - I think it's still one of the only viennese tables I've encountered.

But when I went to DC last week, it wasn't about the sightseeing. Rather, my trip on March 14th was to live tweet the Official Arrival Ceremony of the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (and Northern Ireland), David Cameron, and his wife, Sarah, to the US for their Official State Visit. This meant that I would be on the South Lawn of the White House, and afterwards, that we would head to the Executive Office Building for a private briefing with members of the administration. It sounds like a mouthful, but the bottom line is that it was one of the coolest opportunities I could even imagine having the chance to experience.



As the sun rose over the capitol, my boyfriend, Derek, and I walked to the White House to line up for the ceremony. In line, we met a woman who had worked in DC since 1988, and had actually helped to organize aspects of the Prime Minister's trip. It was a good thing we had a friendly line companion, because the line was extremely long -- yet it moved quickly, and before long, we found ourselves being greeted with "Welcome to the White House!"



We then waited with the other guests for the ceremony to begin. Not knowing who else was involved in the Tweetup (or where the ceremony was going to take place), we just scrambled for a position where we thought we'd have the best view. I wish I were taller!



After a lot of patriotic music (a stirring version of "America the Beautiful" was one of my favorite parts), the ceremony finally began. The bands even began to play some of the same music over again while they waited for the Prime Minister to arrive. We got pictures of the Prime Minister's vehicle, and when the President was finally announced, one of the people next to us fainted. So much for that moment.



When the President and Prime Minister walked around to survey the troops, I was thrilled to see them come straight towards where we were standing (behind the Red Coats, I might add). I have followed politics for so long, it was amazing to finally see President Obama in person. Yes, I had been in Grant Park on Election Night in 2008, but there were so many people there, and we were so far from the stage, we didn't even know where the stage was. Now, he was right in front of me.



With speeches coming, Derek and I moved to the top of a small hill to the right of the cameras where we were able to see the podium as the President and Prime Minister gave their speeches. The speeches, I might add, were wonderful. President Obama's speech was great. I loved the allusions to The War of 1812 - "200 Years ago the British were here under different circumstances. They were a big hit. Really lit the place up!". Prime Minister Cameron then responded with "Now I can see your defenses have been shored up. Not taking any chances this time I see!"

But the meat of the speeches was a big part of why we were here, and it was nice to hear the President lay out what both of our countries stand for. The President spoke of the importance of allowing our country's citizens to live free from fear and the beliefs the US and the UK share in terms of the universal rights of all people, and the inherent dignity of all people.

After the speeches were over, Derek and I scrambled to take as many pictures on the White House grounds as we could before we had to clear the premises. The South Lawn was beautiful - the weather was perfect, and the cherry blossoms were in bloom.




Next we were invited to the Executive Office Building for a private briefing with administration officials. I was pleasantly surprised to meet with Dan Pfeiffer, the White House Director of Communications, Brian Deese, the Deputy Director of the National Economics Council, Caitilyn Hayden, The Deputy Director of Communications for the National Security Council, James Barbour, The Press Secretary of the British Embassy, Macon Phillips, the Director of Digital Strategy, Jon Carson, the Director of the Office of Public Engagement, and more. I was honored.



With only about 80 of us in attendance, it was easy to ask questions of the speakers. I enjoyed feeling like we were in a discussion and that my views were being heard.

Most of all though, I took away the feeling that I mattered.

Between "We the People," the White House's petition site, Twitter, and just getting to meet and talk with so many amazing people, I suddenly saw all the ways that I could interact with the government...and they were actually listening.

I've always wanted to make a difference and to have a tangible positive impact on the world around me. And back in middle school, I felt that by writing and becoming a journalist, I would have more of an effect on policy than I would if I went into student government. It's been over 13 years, and I'm still finding the same reality holds true. Governments, be they high school, college, city, state, or federal, are filled with layers and layers of bureaucracy and red tape. There is so much procedure it's often hard to get anything accomplished. But it's important to never forget the power of the citizen. By getting your voice heard, there's still a lot you can do. And it's always helpful to know that people are listening, reading, and thinking about what you've said.

In a way, I'd worked all my life to get to the White House - and I am honored that I could do it through journalism and social media.

I matter. We matter.

Monday, June 6, 2011

It's the little things.

There are strides of independence that it is surprisingly easy to forget. Coming home and cooking a legit dinner tonight... with my steak and fetucine alfredo finishing at the same time... it felt really good, really powerful, and really me.