Resolving to Change the Things I Cannot Change

I have a letter from my high school lacrosse coach that I keep next to my bed and read from time to time. It's a copy of the recommendation letter he sent to Harvard. In it, he says that I will never let anyone down, disappoint or embarrass them. But the more I think about it, the more I sometimes wonder whether that's really true.

I feel like I've lived my life trying to live up to other people's expectations. Only recently did I add in my own. And yes, I may be one of the most driven people others say they've ever met, but for what? And to what? And at what point do I have to say no, I'll just get in my own way?

I don't think you can change everything about a person. I think there are some things inherent that can't be changed. But when they're flaws and weaknesses and make you stand out, what then? I refuse to believe that I'm condemned for lack of perfection-- that the things I am afraid of or know to be weaknesses are curses that doom me to a certain existence or future. But if everything isn't malleable... then I wonder how to change my fate.

And in a way, I then wish I could be like all those other people who fit in and don't stand out. The normal ones, the popular ones.

But that never was me, and moving forward, I'm not sure if it ever could be.